Kayla Torres 

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Is Public Shaming Kids and Teens Ok?

Do you consider public and social shaming kids and teens to be okay? Do you believe that this form of discipline is acceptable in today’s society? Nowadays some parents believe that public shaming is the way to go. What the parents do not realize is that they are slowly losing the trust of their child and teen. By doing this the kids tend to not want to open up to any adults in their lives. I was publicly shamed once as a teen for rolling my eyes at my mom. Instead of saying that was disrespectful and we will talk about this when we get home, she decided to do it public. She smacked me across my arm and proceed to yell at me in the middle of K-MART for being disrespectful. From that day forward, I viewed that I could not speak openly about issues that I was having for fear of being publicly shamed. I was shy and decided to stay in my own little world and comfort zone. I understand that what I did was unacceptable, rude and disrespectful, but this took a toll on a relationship between me and my mother. There are different ways to discipline children and teens. Public shaming should definitely not be in the category of a way for discipline.

In Peggy Drexler’s article, “Don’t Shame Children In Pursuit Of Discipline.”, Drexler goes in to the different forms and ways that this could be bad. Using public shaming should not be used as a form of punishment just to get your children to behave. In today’s world we should be disciplining not punishing the children by public and social media shaming. Children need to understand why they are being disciplined first before resorting to this cruel form of “discipline as others perceive it. I am a firm believer in discipline. My problem with this form of discipline, public shaming, tends to just tear down the teen and the kid’s self-esteem. I understand that they did something bad and needs discipline but not publicly shamed.

Janelle Harris’s article asks if public shaming is a good way to discipline children. Harris believes that public shaming can cause harm in the relationship between the parent and the child. Furthermore, it can also cause harm when the child is older and out in society. Harris quotes Jasmyn Price, a licensed counselor in Maryland that discipline should be less about shame and more on teaching the child about the wrong doing. I will admit that when I would baby sit my niece, I would try to explain to her why we left the store without buying. Instead of yelling at her, I tried my best to explain to a four year-old why I did not finish my shopping and we left with nothing. My niece did not comprehend why I was frustrated until I explained it to her. Publicly shaming kids for strangers to see should not be allowed.

Simon Mburu talks about the effectiveness of public shaming in his article. Mburu believes that the public or social shaming is not effective at all. Mburu talks about the different ways of effective discipline that can be used with children. I, myself grew up in a very strict household. I was always told that the reason of why I was being punished. My form of punishment was kept private. This was a problem between the family and not the world. He suggested that explaining why the child is being disciplined in private instead of publicly shaming the teen or kid. Also trying to have a positive outlook and see how the child will perceive the discipline.

Susanna Schrobsdorff touches on the subject that publicly shaming via social media causes more problems than solutions. Social media shaming is just causing other people to be judgmental. It is taxing and horrible for the children to be put through this type of discipline. Parents should not take to public and social media shaming to get their kids to understand discipline. These are different forms of discipline that are mentioned: grounding, time out, and serious conversation on the bad behavior and how to help them understand the reason for discipline. The constant yelling, shaming, and berating is not effective at all.

Sara Au and Peter L Stavinoha touch on the topic of the effects of public shaming kids. The Stavinoha’s talk about how the situation for of these each cases can be different. The effects of the various and different ways of public shaming can be harsh. In this article, they suggest some good and affect ways that does not involve public shaming. Public shaming can cause a long lasting effect on the child or teen self-esteem. If you every feel like the line is wearing thin, just take a step back, breath, and try to handle the discipline with as much calm as possible before resorting to public shaming the child or teen.

Annotated Bibliography

Drexler, Peggy. “Don’t Shame Children In Pursuit Of Discipline.” Psychology Today. 29 April 2013. Web. Psychology Today © 1991-2017 Sussex Publishers, LLC | HealthProfs.com © 2002-2017 Sussex Directories, Inc.

Harris, Janelle. “Is Public Shaming the Right Way to Discipline Kids?” The Root. 17 March 2015. Web. Culture. © 2017 Gizmodo Media Group

Mburu, Simon. “Does Public Shaming Work?” Daily Nation. 17 July 2015. Web. Nation.co.ke/lifestyle/saturday/Does-public-shaming-CHILDREN-DISCIPLINE-work

Schrobsdorff, Susanna. “When Parents Publicly Shame Their Kids.” TIME. © 2017 Time Inc.

Stavinoha, Sara Au and Peter L. “The Psychological Effects of Shaming Children.” Psychology Today. 22 June 2015. Psychology Today © 1991-2017 Sussex Publishers, LLC | HealthProfs.com © 2002-2017 Sussex Directories, Inc.

I was born and raised in Puerto Rico. I was a shy little girl. The only language I knew was English. That is the language that was spoken to me in my house hold. I asked my mom, "What is a daycare?" and "Why do I need to leave my safe haven of fun and cartoons all day at home for a daycare?" My mom replied that I needed to go to daycare because there was no one that could babysit me. My mom also told me there would be other kids my age. So it did not sound bad at all. The day came where it was time for me to go to daycare. My mom left out one little detail. The daycare I was going to was an all-Spanish speaking daycare. Oh yes, she left out that one little detail. In my mind I was thinking how am I going to communicate with the kids and adults. I felt a panic attack kick and I just started crying, screaming bloody murder, and clinging to my mom's leg. The daycare personnel had to practically pry my fingers and legs off of my mom. I felt like this was a nightmare. Why would my mother leave me with people where I had a communication barrier. My mom was able to get away when the daycare ladies distracted me with a piece of candy but that did not work. Once I realized my mom was gone I started crying again for an hour screaming I want my mommy. The other kids were wondering what was wrong with me. One little girl came up to me and gave one of her toys to play with. I started to calm down. The ladies gave me a piece of paper to color on. It was time for the parents to pick us up. I thought this day was horrible and I was happy to have his day over with. My dad could speak Spanish. So the daycare lady told him that he should speak Spanish to me at home since we live on an island that only speaks Spanish. At the time I did not know what they were saying but my explained to me what the situation was going to be.

The next following days it was the same routine: scream, cling, and cry. My dad had had enough of my antics. He told me that I was going to learn Spanish the easy way or the hard way. Stupid me choose the hard way. It took me a while to realize that I was only hindering myself in this process. So I finally caved and decided to start learning at the basics. Things I would need to know so I can communicate with the workers. I needed to learn phrases like “I need to go to the bathroom"; "I want juice" "can I play with that toy" or "where is my dad and mom". My goodness it was a struggle, but it was a struggle I put there. Little by little, I started getting out of my comfort zone. I was able to communicate a little not only with the adults but with the kids also. This was the beginning of my journey to learn a new language that I really did not want to learn. Being in daycare made me realize a little that I was on an island that only spoke Spanish. I look back now and wonder what were my parents thinking?! Not preparing a kid for such a thing. But as the saying goes "you have to walk before you can run."